


Smiles False, Smiles True

by unassumingvenusaur



Series: SRCU (Sahri Rhoshaan Cinematic Universe) [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, F/F, F/M, For now...this is still set before most of the real suffering in Shb, Gen, MommaWoL, Patch 5.0: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Sahri is nowhere approaching mentally healthy atm, Self-Worth Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, mid-Shadowbringers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28104279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unassumingvenusaur/pseuds/unassumingvenusaur
Summary: In the wake of Titania's defeat, Sahri allows the young Minfilia a moment to recover from her exhaustion--and to ask some damning questions.
Relationships: Minfilia Warde/Warrior of Light, Ryne | Minfilia & Warrior of Light, Warrior of Light/Thancred Waters
Series: SRCU (Sahri Rhoshaan Cinematic Universe) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058933
Kudos: 11





	Smiles False, Smiles True

**Author's Note:**

> In the notes of [_Her Name_](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27800083/chapters/68058715) I mentioned that I'd written a few messy things while playing through 5.0 and that I might clean them up and post them. I've gotten around to it, and here's the first! 
> 
> I'm honestly not certain when in the Il Mheg story I originally set this so I had to basically write a whole new intro, but I tried to edit for consistency so hopefully it still flows.
> 
> I apologize to any Thancred/WoL shippers--this isn't a super glowing version of that relationship. But rest assured that one of the other fics I'm set to edit has them actually getting on the road to working things out and getting together for real. So it won't be suffering forever! 
> 
> The name of the Warrior of Light in this fic is Sahri Rhoshaan.

“Besides, I believe I speak for us all when I say that I've had a bellyful of Il Mheg. Let us away before the faeries think to play with us again.”

Thancred turns, eager to make haste from Lydha Lran, but Sahri folds her arms and stands in place. She casts a glance around the flower-filled settlement. The pixies and other fae folk were absorbed in themselves, chattering with excitement--no doubt about the flurry of activity that had just come to a close, not the least of which was the century-delayed return of night. Her companions, however, looked significantly more haggard. Even in the low light, she could make out the telltale signs of their fatigue. Alisaie hid it well, Alphinaud and Urianger less so. Young Minfilia was outright panting, hands on her knees while she tried to catch her breath. 

Sahri had a suspicion the girl didn’t realize how well she’d done with so little experience. She’d proven herself as reliable as any of the Scions during their foray into Don Mheg, and Sahri wanted to think she’d acquitted herself admirably in this battle against Eulmore, as well. Yet there was little satisfaction evident on her face...Poor thing. She’d picked up being much too hard on herself from Thancred. She at least deserved a break.

“Well?” Thancred’s voice draws back Sahri’s attention. “Will anyone accompany me, or shall I be traveling back to the Crystarium on my lonesome?” 

He’s put some few feet of distance between himself and the other Scions. He must want to spend the shortest time possible with his own thoughts, Sahri thinks--to keep moving and forget. Truth be told, she was of the same mind. Better to keep herself occupied than to allow her guilt to continue to corrode her will--the feeling that she deserves neither the Scions’ patience nor kindness. Better to keep herself occupied than dwell on the squall that tore through her chest the moment she’d ‘neutralized’ Titania’s light. 

And yet…

She looks back at Minfilia. The girl had gathered herself, preparing for the journey ahead, but she could not mask the weariness behind her eyes. Sahri sighs. This was not the time for her to be selfish…

“I believe we could all afford a few moments to rest,” Sahri tells Thancred with some reluctance. “Should the faeries break from their celebration and bother us, I need only mention the King’s name.” Thancred seems surprised, but relief sweeps over the twins’ faces.

“A most prudent suggestion, Sahri,” Alphinaud concurs. “Managing the pixies’ attentions and Eulmore’s assault in quick succession has proven quite draining.” Alisaie begins to walk away, taking Alphinaud aback. “Do you not agree, Alisaie?” 

“Oh, I do,” she confirms, not stopping. “But I’ve had more than enough of Lydha Lran. I’ll find somewhere else to sit.” Alphinaud watches her blankly for a few moments before rushing to catch up to her. A small smile rises to Sahri’s face at the scene. She thinks to check on how Minfilia is reacting, but finds Urianger speaking to her, his hand resting on her back. No doubt he’d encourage her to allow a moment for herself. That only left…

“I take it this little reprieve isn’t for your own sake?” Thancred asks her, having closed the gap between them. His expression is inscrutable. 

Sahri shakes her head. “No. I’m still wound up from my clash with Titania, to be quite honest.” She neglected to mention her disquiet at the unnatural stirring of energy within her chest. 

“Are you, now?” He smiles--thoroughly false, as it did not reach his eyes. Had she seen a single genuine smile from him since she’d arrived in the First? “Would you care for a walk while the young ones take a breath, then?”

Sahri’s pulse quickens. “A walk, hm?” She gives the man a knowing smile in return. During their foray through Il Mheg, such had quickly become code for absconding into the wilderness and indulging in more...carnal pleasures. It was a continuation of an unspoken arrangement they’d shared in the Source--to fuck when neither wanted to think overmuch about their sorry lives, and to speak not a word outside of bed. Or whatever the bed’s equivalent might be. A deeply unsatisfying relationship, but one life’s miseries--as well as Thancred’s easy charm--continued to draw Sahri back to. And in this moment, it sounded most tempting.

“I believe I’d be amenable,” Sahri tells him, seeing relief flash through the man’s eyes. She takes a step forward...and her legs fail her, a sudden pain splitting through her body in a moment of weakness. She clutches her head--oh, how it pounded--and nearly takes a spill. Thankfully, Thancred’s arms are there to steady her.

“Hey, now. Are you feeling well? You did tend to your wounds after the battle, didn’t you?” Thancred’s voice is full of concern, and as her headache wanes and vision steadies, she sees his face is no less so. 

...The way he is holding her... Sahri’s heart squeezes. She quickly pushes herself to her feet and frees herself from his all-too-tender touch. 

“I’m fine,” she tells him, short. “It was only a passing dizzy spell.” That’s all she would allow herself to acknowledge it as. 

“You? Having a dizzy spell?” The man’s face turns grim. “Perhaps you could afford some rest, then.” His false smile returns, and he walks forward to place a hand on her shoulder. “Sit for a while, my friend. You certainly deserve it.” 

She really doesn’t, but she gives him a nod regardless. With that, the man is off...making his way to Urianger, she notices. Something had very noticeably shifted in the two’s relationship since they were last in the Source...But it wasn’t her place to pry. Instead, she’d best find a seat as Thancred suggested. It would be terribly inconvenient to faint on their way back to the Crystarium…

“Um...Sahri?” A small voice asks. Sahri turns to find the young Oracle looking at her intently. Looking at her, with those solid blue eyes. Eyes she could not help but associate with some of her most unpleasant memories…

“Min--Minfilia.” Sahri trips over the name--it was still alien to use it so. And yet, that was not this poor child’s fault. She gives this Minfilia her best smile. “Can I help you with something?” 

“Well…” The girl glances towards the ground, playing with her hands nervously. “Titania cut our conversation short earlier, and there was more I wished to ask you…” She clasps her hands and turns her gaze back towards Sahri, expression utterly earnest. “O-only if it is not a bother, of course!” she pleads. “I don’t… I don’t wish to stand in the way of your rest…”

“You’re doing nothing of the sort,” Sahri reassures her, placing a hand on the girl’s back. She couldn’t help but be nurturing when children were involved. Chalk it up to maternal instincts… “I’d be glad to speak with you. Why don’t we find somewhere to sit?” 

The girl beams, and Sahri feels her heart melt. She leads her some feet away from the group for privacy’s sake and settles upon a small, grassy slope to rest. She sighs in relief when she does--she’d been more exhausted than she realized. Minfilia takes a seat beside her.

“What was it you wished to discuss, Minfilia?” Sahri inquires, still smiling. 

“I...do worry it’s not any of my business…” The girl averts her eyes once more.

“Ask anything you want,” she tells her, flooding every onze of reassurance into her tone that she can. Thankfully, the girl relaxes.

“Alright…” Minfilia nods, seemingly encouraging herself. “Sahri. You...You and Thancred. Are the two of you…?” The girl trails off, cheeks flushing. Sahri tilts her head in confusion, prompting her to continue. “The two of you...are dear to each other, right? I mean…” She pauses. “A couple? In love?”

Sahri recoils--oh, that was _not_ the sort of question she’d hoped to hear. A couple…? In another world, perhaps. As she searches for words, she sees the girl’s face fall.

“I-I'm sorry,” Minfilia stammers. “I couldn't help but notice. The way you two interact...It reminds me of couples I've met, since Thancred and I began to travel.” She turns her head to look upon said man, conversing in the distance with Urianger. “And the two of you...are often going off alone together. So, I thought…”

The horror on Sahri's face only grows. Had the girl--? Mortified, her mind rushes with memories--she and Thancred’s recent outings had been far from _tame_. Mercifully, Minfilia senses the woman’s alarm and quickly corrects herself.

“Not that--! Please do not think me privy to your private moments!” She flails her arms before her in embarrassment. “I promise I have never...never followed, or intruded. I w-would never…” Sahri's expression softens as her horror diminishes, quietly sighing in relief. She closes her eyes and taps her chin in thought.

“...You're a perceptive girl,” Sahri praises. The girl calms, eyes widening.

“It's true, then?” she asks. Sahri scrunches her face, and a long silence passes between them.

“...Hm.” This was perhaps the last topic she could possibly want to talk about with the girl. How much did she know of the world? How could she put this delicately…? “Thancred and I are...involved, that much is true,” she says after some deliberation. “It...would be wrong to call us a couple, though,” she clarifies. “Or to say we're in love.” Predictably, she sees only confusion on Minfilia’s frowning face.

“Involved, but not a couple?” The girl tilts her head, innocence abundant. “I'm not sure I understand…”

It was for the best that she didn’t, Sahri thinks. She gives the girl a kind smile, hoping Minfilia does not notice the hint of sadness in her eyes.

“...You're young yet. Don't dwell too much on it,” she requests. “You can think of us as...wandering souls, brought together by Minfilia's loss.” She’d hoped that might satisfy the girl, and perhaps it did--Yet the mention of her namesake causes her to recoil, to lightly gasp.

“M-Minfilia? You mean... _his_ Minfilia.” Her tone is dark, with perhaps a touch of bitterness that ill-suited her. “Was...she special to you, as well?” Special...Sahri’s smile ever so slightly falters. She turns her head towards the night sky--willing herself not to imagine a mass of crystal floating within.

“...She was...the woman who set me on the path,” Sahri explains, volume low. “The path which I still walk today. Before I was known as a...hero, I was a simple adventurer—a girl who had hardly left the woods in which she grew. And Minfilia…” Sahri closes her eyes, smile growing. She places a hand to her chest. “She took me under her wing. She…taught me of the gifts I’d been granted. The blessings of the Echo, of Light—the selfsame powers she possessed. She helped nurture them, guide them…and we learned more about our blessings together.” The woman struggles to choke back emotion. “I would never have come as far as I have without her.”

Sahri trails off, opening her eyes. When she turns to Minfilia, the girl is lightly gaping at her.

“…Is something the matter?” she asks, suddenly self-conscious. 

Minfilia shakes her head. “Oh…Oh, no, not at all.” To Sahri’s surprise, she smiles. “I suppose…I’ve never heard you speak so much.” Sahri lets out an amused laugh.

“Some topics spark it.” She smiles at the girl--a real smile. Minfilia’s own grows.

“The two of you…really must have been dear friends, then,” she says. Sahri scratches her cheek.

“Friends…Well, not always,” she admits. “To be honest, she intimidated me at first.” The girl looks even more shocked than when Sahri had said Minfilia’s name. 

“R-Really?” she asks in disbelief. “Intimidate? You?” A bubble of mirth prompts Sahri to chuckle.

“Oh, yes,” she tells the girl. “She was ever a steadfast leader, sure of her place, of her path, even when I was not.” Her eyes grow soft. “Yet…as I grew to know myself more, as we walked our path together… I saw more of the heart she locked away. And so we came to know each other, as women.” Sahri’s heart squeezes as memories come flooding back. “We…actually had much more in common than our blessings, as it turned out.”

“Like what?” Young Minfilia’s excitement is evident, leaning towards Sahri in rapt attention. Thancred must not have told her much of the woman. She did not exactly blame him...but perhaps if he had, the burden he carried would be less. Perhaps he would have felt the same cleansing of spirit Sahri did now.

“We shared a homeland, for one,” Sahri continues. “A…A place called Ala Mhigo. Yet our parents…they were all killed or displaced in the same conflict, and thus we both instead grew up as refugees, far from that home.”

“I...I see…” Minfilia’s shining eyes take a morose turn. While Ala Mhigo was indeed a potent source of bonding between the two, perhaps Sahri should have led with something else.

“…Ah. I’m sorry. That must all sound rather heavy. But it’s long in the past now. Let’s see…” She taps her chin, and before long an idea pops into her head. “Oh, I know! Do you want to know something funny? Minfilia’s mother—not by blood, but by heart—she’s actually a miqo—mystel. Just like me.” Sahri traces the outline of her ears with her fingers, earning back Minfilia’s smile.

“Maybe…that’s part of why she liked you,” the girl suggests. “You seemed familiar to her.”

“It’s possible. Regardless…” Sahri sighs, racked with a pang of nostalgia. “I don’t know how or when it happened, but soon she’d tell me I was the only person she could allow herself to be weak with, to lean on for support…And I realized I felt the same about her.” There is a long pause, and when the woman speaks again, her voice has an edge of sorrow. “I…wonder if that was before or after we fell in love.”

Minfilia jolts. “F-F…Fell in love?”

“…Yes,” Sahri confirms. Her lost love’s smile flashes through her mind, and she clutches her chest. “Unlike with Thancred…that, I can say for certain. She was my love.”

The girl’s expression grows grave, tone in tandem. “Then…then…She’s not just his Minfilia. She’s your Minfilia, too. No…” She lowers her head, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. “Oh, no. I’m so sorry…”

“…You really don’t need to apologize,” Sahri tells her weakly. She wished to respond with more force, but her aching heart was getting the better of her...Minfilia takes a breath and meets her eyes once more, gaze resolute. Piercing. 

“I’ve foisted my presence upon you,” she begins. “Again and again…I even complained to you about how Thancred felt. But you…” Her voice wavers. “Y-You must feel the same way as he. Even...even being in my presence hurts you, doesn’t it?”

Sahri’s eyes grow wide. “That’s not…” Her attempt at denial is short-lived, Minfilia cutting her off with a firm shake of her head.

“Please, do not lie. This is why your eyes are always so sad when I look into them. Isn’t it? Because...because it’s me you are looking at.”

Sahri withers under the girl’s scrutiny--her refusal to look away from the ugly truths that composed the world around her. She might be young, but to call her perceptive was not the half of it. Sahri struggles to find words, or to even meet the girl’s gaze. She turns her head to wipe a few stray tears, hiding them for no one but herself. When she says nothing, Minfilia continues.

“You’re under so much pressure to save this world and yours both…To do the job I should be strong enough to do…” Her resolution fades to something sadder. “And all I’ve done is make you suffer with my presence. I…I truly apologize. I will…try to be more aware…”

Neither is looking at the other when Minfilia stands, and the girl turns to walk away. Yet after a few steps, she hears a voice.

“Please wait,” Sahri begs. Minfilia cautiously turns back to face her—Sahri is looking her in the eye.

“…Are you going to tell me it’s not true?” the girl asks, twisting the knife lodged firmly in Sahri’s side.

The woman sighs. “I won’t. You’re smarter than that. I will not lie and say I don’t…feel complicated emotions, when I look at you.” Minfilia casts her eyes downward and says nothing.

“But…That doesn’t mean I don’t want you around.”

The girl looks up, surprise coloring her face. “It...doesn’t?”

Sahri manages a smile. “No, not at all. When I first met you, you almost struck me as what a daughter of Minfilia’s would be like,” she admits. She stands up and walks to the girl, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I know that’s not actually the case, but…I couldn’t help feel some affection. And that was before I learned what an intelligent and lovely young girl you are.” Minfilia blanches at the praise. 

“…I cannot possibly see myself that way.” Such was the plight of those with far too great a burden placed on their shoulders. Sahri fights her instinct to pull the girl into a hug and tell her everything will be alright. She deserved more from her than empty comfort.

“I hope you’ll be able to, in time,” she says instead. The girl grimaces.

“No,” she asserts with a force that catches Sahri unaware. “There isn’t ‘in time’ for me. What Minfilia wants—it must be to relinquish myself, and allow her to be with you again.” Sahri’s mouth goes dry at the girl’s readiness to throw her own life away. It...It resonated far too closely to what she’d been feeling, of late. Still...Still, this was certainly not what Minfilia would want for her…(For either of them, she thinks before pushing it from her mind.)

“I wouldn’t be so quick to say so,” Sahri counters, but the girl loses none of her zeal. 

“But you would rather her back than me, wouldn’t you?” The girl’s stare--the stare of that piercing, haunting solid blue--is exposing Sahri piece by piece. Her heart pounds, near-painful.

“Minfilia’s return—your Minfilia’s...Isn’t that how you want this to end?”

The echo of her earlier question to Thancred knocks any remaining wind from her. This time, when she bites her lip and turns her gaze away from Minfilia, she doesn’t try to hide the wet streaks down her face. Near a minute passes between them in silence. The girl...the girl deserved the truth, not to be lied to, of course...Yet Sahri could not help but feel some of this intensity had been redirected from the man they both held a most complicated relationship with. It...it was too much...

“…That’s…not fair to ask,” Sahri finally says. It would seem Minfilia agreed, for her face immediately falls to one of regret.

“…I know. I’m sorry.” Her sincerity is evident in her voice. She looked about to burst into tears, and Sahri knew the girl did not deserve to be left to that. She could muster no anger...only the utmost sympathy. Sahri exhales and forces herself to regain some composure. At the end of the day, she needed to act as the adult she was--to support this wayward child.

“It’s alright,” Sahri tells her. “I know I’m not the only girl under unbearable pressure right now.” When Minfilia says nothing, Sahri tentatively reaches to place a hand on the girl’s head. She gives her a smile--tired, but genuine. “Is this alright?” she asks. “I saw Thancred do it earlier…” Her heart warms at seeing Minfilia’s cheeks turn rosy.

“U-Um. Yes, that’s fine!” the girl tells her, flustered. Sahri’s smile grows.

“I’m glad.” She begins to pet her...Yet she knows she must do more than that. “…I can’t answer the questions you’re asking yourself, right now,” she tells her honestly. “But…I know you’ll be able to one day. I mean it when I say you’re a remarkable young girl. It would make me far sadder to see you avoid me for circumstances beyond your control. Do you believe me?” Sahri can only hope so, because she means it with all her heart. To her relief, Minfilia smiles. 

“Yes…Yes, I do,” the girl says softly. 

“Good. Good…” A thought strikes Sahri, and her eyes instantly brighten. “Say, Minfilia?”

“Hm?”

“I may not look like it, but I’m actually a rather skilled culinarian.” She pats her chest with some pride. “Do you have a favorite snack? Perhaps you could tell me more about yourself while I prepare it for you.” Minfilia’s eyes grow wide, and Sahri swears she hears the faint growl of a stomach.

“A snack? W-Well…” She darts her eyes around shyly. Oh, she was too adorable. “There is this sort of…sweet bread Urianger often prepared when Thancred and I came to visit. He said it was all from ingredients local to Il Mheg…” Sahri claps her hands together in delight. Despite the intensity of the conversation the two had just shared, she felt a buzz of excitement.

“Perfect! We can scrounge around for them together as we leave, then. Give this leg of our journey a proper send-off.” She places a hand on the girl’s back. “Why don’t we go ask Urianger what we’ll need?”

“A-Alright,” the girl agrees with a nod. Sahri begins to walk and beckons Minfilia to follow. She takes a few steps before stopping.

“Sahri?”

“Yes, love?” Sahri asks as she turns back to her. The woman wears a wide smile. Minfilia is briefly thrown, but after a moment scuttles over to Sahri and gives her a tight squeeze. She cannot help but be taken by surprise. 

“…Thank you. For being honest with me.” The weight behind her words is enormous. Sahri relaxes, lightly wrapping her arms around her back.

“You can always count on me for that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Since now I'm posting things set before _Her Name_ , I'm going to start putting fics w/Sahri in a "series" to reflect chronological order, just to help keep track (if I can figure it out lol). This'll also help if I start going back and writing things set before ShB, which I am def interested in doing at some point


End file.
